Life & Death

I went to a funeral yesterday. But it wasn’t your typical funeral. In fact, if you would have walked into the church sanctuary, you would have never guessed that you were at a funeral. You would have eventually figured it out, as people shared thoughts and stories about Karla LeMay and how she impacted their own lives. Tears were shed as people grieved, but the focus was on celebration and the emotion most present in the room was joy.

Karla LeMay’s life was cut short by lung cancer, which took life out of her physical body. But Karla loved Jesus and committed her life to serving Him and sharing Him with others. She is now living in eternity with Him, completely whole and free from all disease. That is worth celebrating.

Karla’s daughter lead worship as the service started. God was present and the room was filled with joy. At one point I looked over at Karla’s family and saw her husband and kids with arms raised high, worshiping God. It gave me the chills and a lump formed in my throat. In the midst of their sadness and grief, they were choosing to worship God. It was beautiful.

Various people shared about Karla’s life and how she had impacted them. It was obvious by everything that was said, that Karla truly lived her life for Jesus. She served people in need… friends and strangers. She loved and prayed for her family. She was telling people about Jesus and had a smile on her face until the day she left this earth.

It had been many years since I last saw Karla, but hearing about her life yesterday inspired and challenged me. It made me think about what I want people to say about me when I die. It made me think about what I need to do to change my life to be more like Jesus. One thing I do know, I want my life to be all about Jesus. When I am taken from this earth, I want the one thing people remember most about me is my love and devotion to Jesus, which should impact everything else I do.

Karla LeMay lived a life that was all about Jesus and I have no doubt that as she was welcomed into eternity, she heard the words “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

 

What is life about?

Sometimes I think I have it all figured out. Most of the time I am reminded that I’m no where close to having it figured out. I still have a long way to go to living the life I am called to live.

But what is the life I am called to live?

If I claim to be a follower of Jesus, then I have to go back to His words: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37-39).

This is where I have to start. The rest of life is determined by my obedience or disobedience to these two great commandments. This is what life is about. Yet why do I continue to fail over and over again?

I love God, but why don’t I always live my life in a way that reflects my love for Him?

One minute I ask God for help. The next I try to be self-sufficient.

One minute I recognize how much I need God’s grace and forgiveness. The next I’m prideful and judgmental.

One minute I thank Him for having a plan for my life. The next I question His plan.

One minute I’m thankful for the blessings He’s given me. The next I’m complaining about the very same things.

I know I will spend the rest of my life learning what it means to love God… and learning what it means to love others, which is the second part of the commandment. I am only able to love others because God first loved me. But often I’m selfish and keep God’s love to myself, rather than sharing it with others.

I am called to be like Jesus and His love ultimately cost His life, which He gave for me. I deserved the death He died. I overlook that part far too often. I am called to love like Jesus… even if it costs me my life. And loving like that is not easy because when I fear rejection or start to feel pain, I want to retreat. But I am called to do the opposite. I am called to keep loving, to endure the pain, to give my life away.

I am not capable of this calling, unless I love God with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my mind. I fail and I will continue to fail, but that doesn’t mean I stop trying. It means that when I fail, I get up and I try again.

I must constantly remind myself that I need God because without Him, I am nothing. He gives my life purpose. He is what life is about.

Back to School

After a seven year hiatus, I am a student once again. (All that’s running through my mind right now is the Saved by the Bell theme song.)

It has been one month since I started grad school (program in International Care and Community Development) and  being a student again is great! I am learning about globalization, social justice, culture, and how to write APA style.

Some days I feel overwhelmed and exhausted, but my mind is expanding and I am being challenged.

School is much different at 29, than 18. I have a greater appreciation for learning and am more determined to succeed.

I am excited for this two year journey… it has only just begun!

Climb for Captives

On August 14-16, my brother and 7 other climbers will be climbing and hopefully summiting Mt. Rainier. Last year they succeeded in summiting the mountain and raising $20,000.

This year their goal is to raise $40,000 for the International Justice Mission to help in the fight against human trafficking. And they need your help!

 My brother just sent out the following message with details on one way to support Climb for Captives:

We are one week away from the big climb and we are trying to spread the word far and wide. People from around the world are tuning in and stepping up to make a difference. We recently got word that a young girl in British Columbia was so moved by the idea of children in slavery that she sold her goldfish to her brother for $8.15 cents and promptly donated the money to Climb for Captives.

We thought it would be cool to let her know what an inspiration she is so we are doing a special campaign for the next 72 hrs… it’s called the Fish for Freedom.

Between now and Sunday Aug. 9th at noon, we want to get as many donations as possible in the amounts of $8.15, $81.50, or $815.

Visit http://www.climbforcaptives.com/ today to join us in the Fish for Freedom.

Thanks,

The Climb for Captives Team

Please join me in supporting Climb for Captives!

in⋅tro⋅spec⋅tion

“The act of looking within oneself.”

Or for those that prefer a visual image.

I think that introspection should be a normal part of life. Should being the key word. I can easily find flaws or identify insecurities, but how often do I really look deep and examine myself? It’s definitely easier not to because when I start to look, I’m reminded of how selfish I really am.

What do I find easy? Examining others.  I’m good at playing the pharisee, the one who can see what’s wrong with everyone else. But of course that means I’m good at ignoring the “plank in my eye.” Yep, I’m what one would call a hypocrite.

I was the “goody two shoes” girl growing up. The one everyone told “you’re perfect.” When you hear that enough, you believe it. And that is a dangerous place to be; completely oblivious to my pride and selfishness. I read a quote today by Francis Chan, “If Satan can’t get you to disobey God’s commands, he will try to make you obey them in a legalistic way, which is just as deadly.” Describes me pretty well.

I have since realized I am not the “perfect” girl everyone told me I was. And I’ve recently been reminded of that yet again. Why does it always take something to remind me of this? Why do I fall back into the same thinking over and over again? Why do I continually allow pride to distort my perspective?

Thankfully God is full of far more grace than I am capable of or ever deserve.

In an ideal world, I want to continually be changing and maturing. But I get lazy and comfortable. It often takes something “out of the ordinary” to wake me up and make me look deep within myself. I’ve been forced to do that lately.

I’ve realized that in my attempt to be selfless, I’m often being selfish. In my attempt to love unconditionally, I often have an ulterior motive. In my attempt to show grace, I’m still being judgmental. In my attempt at allowing God to have His way, I get impatient and try to forge my own way. In my attempt at being humble, I’m often being prideful.

My desire is to become more Christ-like. I will spend the rest of my life trying. I wonder… will “my flesh” always get in the way or will I ever truly exemplify Christ? I can “act” Christ-like, but deep down, does my heart really reflect Him?

I don’t ever want to get to a point where I think I’ve mastered it. I have believed that dangerous lie before. I have been reminded again that without Christ, I am nothing.

May I never, ever forget that.

Dazed & Confused

I’ve been thinking a lot about life lately. I feel like my mind is going 100 mph.

The big question: what do I want my life to be about?

I know I want it to be about loving God and loving people.

But where do I go from there?

Yes, I can love God in everything I do. Yes, I can love people everyday, in every setting.

I fail over and over again, but I will keep trying.

I’m not a good steward of my time. I want to be. I want to devote my time to things that matter. I don’t want to just fill my time.

And right now, I feel like I’m doing just that.

I keep thinking of ways I want to spend my time. Most of them seem impossible or unattainable. Or maybe I just feel incapable.

But I guess it’s not about feeling capable, it’s about being willing.

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by all the thoughts going on in my head. But I don’t want that to lead me to do nothing.

I want to do something.

Change is in the air…

Life is comfortable. I have my 8am-5pm job, I travel from time to time, I fill my schedule with whatever I want. I like my life.

Comfort is a nice thing, but I don’t think it’s good to stay comfortable for too long. It’s easy to stay comfortable, but I don’t necessarily want life to be easy. Those aren’t the times I really learn and grow.

So change is coming. Some by my choosing, some out of my control. All the change is good, but still hard.

I’m feeling overwhelmed, but know I need to “step out in faith.” Easier said than done.

I’m not quitting my job or moving far away, just finding new ways to invest my time.

I still haven’t fully embraced the change, but am slowly becoming more confident in what’s to come. I’m excited. I’m scared. I’m feeling inadequate. But I know that if this is the right change, it will be rewarding and challenging and will open doors I never knew existed.

To Tweet or Not to Tweet? That is the question.

I’m usually slow to follow a trend.

I started a blog after being a faithful blog reader (or lurker) for months. I finally caved, mostly because it was the summer, work was slow, and I needed something to help the time pass by.

I never joined myspace. Didn’t want to.

Then Facebook became the new trend and after multiple friends told me to join, I finally caved to the peer pressure. I’m glad I did.

And now there’s Twitter. I started hearing about it a few months ago and now it seems to be “the thing” to do. But is it going to be “my thing” to do? That has yet to be determined.

For those of you that joined Twitter, I’m curious to know why. Was it simply to follow the latest trend? Or was there a more compelling reason? And isn’t your Facebook status the same as sending a Tweet? So why have both?

I need some convincing.

Welcome to the world Boston Cross McCormack!

The reality that my sister recently gave birth to a son (8 lbs. 14 oz, 23 in. long) is still sinking in. I waited for him, met him, held him, stared at him, and then left him. I wish I didn’t have to.

I’m back to “normal” life and still trying to grasp what just happened. And being back has been a strange experience. I feel out of place and everything seems a bit unfamiliar. I think it’s because my mind and part of my heart is back in Texas.

I thought the whole experience of seeing my nephew for the first time would be emotional, it wasn’t. There was joy, but no tears. I walked around in a daze for two days after… due to lack of sleep and in an attempt to soak up every minute I had before saying goodbye. It was only hours before I had to leave that the emotions started to come and have continued coming at random moments.

Life is an amazing thing. One minute Boston is inside of my sister, relying on her for life. The next I am holding him in my arms. Yet another moment in life that strengthened my faith in God.

There was joy in watching Brian and Emilie with their son, knowing God chose them to be Boston’s parents. And they have already been amazing. I loved seeing the joy on my sister’s face when she stared at her son. I loved seeing 6 foot 9 inch Brian holding his son in his arms. I loved watching Brian love and care for Em when she felt overwhelmed. I loved reading Brian’s thoughts about becoming a dad. I loved watching them transition into their new roles. I loved seeing this beautiful new family.

I am thankful for this precious new life. I’m thankful God chose to give Boston to Brian and Emilie. I am thankful for another glimpse at God’s great love as I see the overwhelming love Brian and Emilie have for their son. I am in awe of how God knit Boston together in my sister’s womb and brought him to life.

Boston, welcome to the world. You have two parents who will love you more than anyone else ever will. You have a God who created you and loves you even more than your parents do. You have a life ahead of you that He has planned just for you. I can’t wait to see it unfold. I love you Boston and am so thankful you were born! xoxo

Awaiting Boston’s Arrival

My sister was due to give birth on Sunday, which makes her two days overdue. My parents and I are in Texas, waiting for their grandson and my nephew to be born. We’re all SO excited!

The reality that my sister is having a child is still sinking in. I’ve seen her stomach grow, I have felt Boston move, yet it still seems so surreal. I’ve had these random moments where the the reality sinks in a little deeper and I try to fathom that my little sister is getting ready to deliver HER son. It’s a reminder of how fast life is. Seems like yesterday that she got married and it definitely took me awhile to grasp the fact that she was a wife. And now she will be a mother…Wow!

I know she will be an amazing mother. And Brian will be an amazing father. I have no doubt about that.

I can’t wait to meet my nephew and see what he looks like. I can’t wait to hold him and stare at him. I can’t wait to see the miracle that has been growing inside my sister. Never ceases to amaze me.

So Boston, hurry up. Your auntie can’t wait to meet you!